This is Disturbing

Words escape me.

Never Alone - Part 8

This is from the "Third Letter" of Brother Lawrence. The title of the letter is "The Role of Self Denial."

Three things struck me (isn't it funny how a preacher man can get three points out of anything):

• "Even though you are getting older, it's never too late to start." As a younger person, I was always told to form habits young, because when you get older, it would be hard to start them. While that is true, it is still never too late.
• "It amazes me how many people on the journey with God can be satisfied with where they are and not practice God's presence regularly." It is easy to get comfortable with where we are in life (professionally, spiritual, socially, etc.). As a pastor, I made a startling find (with my wife's help) that most people don't change much apart from a traumatic experience. A loss of a job or death in the family will often result in a spiritual change. It's sad that it often comes to that.
• "I'm definitely not suggesting that we've got to go to extremes by placing ridiculously excessive and irrational limits on ourselves." Growing up, I often thought that devotion or spiritual discipline was a matter of drudgery. It was legalistic. We had to do it because we had to do it. Stop asking questions and do it. It is a means to reaching God. If spiritual discipline is getting the way of our relationship with God, then it is really of no benefit to us.

I am pressing on in my desires to be closer to God and know his will better.

Keep the faith.

Never Alone - Part 7

This is on the Second Letter: "Practicing the Presence--The Ongoing Conversation."

This is a brief letter by Brother Lawrence to someone. Despite the brief nature, it is packed with good advice.

"Now in order to practice the presence of God, our deepest desires and affection have got to be emptied of everything else. God doesn't share room with other things that we trust and love." In our relationship with God, we cannot allow anything (no matter how good it is) to get in the way of our relationship with God. There are many good things that can get in the way of our relationship with God. A career is a good thing, but it can get in the way of God. Family can in the way of God. Even church activities can get in the way of God.

How do we get to that point? Brother Lawrence says, "So, get started on practicing God's presence! As you follow His lead, I promise you that you'll begin to see results in your journey with Him." As the old Nike slogan said, "Just do it." Following God is a matter of doing it. God is faithful to bring you into a better more fulfilling relationship with him.

Never Alone - Part 6

I have begun reading the second part of Never Alone, the updated version of Brother Lawrence's classic Practice of the Presence of God by Tim Green of Travecca Nazarene University.

As the preface to Never Alone states, "The second part contains letters that Brother Lawrence himself wrote to a dear friend." The first letter, entitled "Coming to Our Senses--Living in God's Presence," is the subject of the blog today.

Three things jump out at me from this letter. The first is this statement: "He [a friend of Brother Lawrence] no longer has to worry or become frustrated over finding something that he doesn't already have. It's always right in front of him, ready for him to access at any moment." Brother Lawrence is describing his friends quest for God's peace. So often we want what we cannot have, or we don't know where to find what we want. I think people, even in our day, want peace the most. I am not talking about the absence of war, but rather internal peace. People try to find it everywhere from careers to sex to drugs to education to sports to possessions. We try to find it everywhere. The only place real peace is found is in God. When we live in God's presence, we need not search for peace anywhere else.

Another phrase that jumped at me was this one: "Days and weeks and months pass by so quickly. All of a sudden a year has gone by, and we hardly realize it. Each one of us has to take responsibility for our own response to God." The Apostle Paul said, "now is the day of salvation" (2 Corinthians 6:2). We cannot put it off. Time flies. It is hard to believe that this year is a month and a half old already. I remember as a kid thinking high school was so distant; that I would never get there. Now I look back and ask, "Where did the time go?" There is no excuse to put off a relationship with God. Time passes before we realize it.

The third thing that struck me was not so much a new thing as it was confirmation of what I had long believed and taught. Brother Lawrence writes, "In our journey with God there's no such thing as standing still; either we're moving ahead or we're going backwards." Our relationship with God is never static. It is always dynamic. There may be times of increased activity. There may be times when our relationship is changing at a faster rate than others. There may be times we grow faster. That all said, we are never still. "Which way am I heading?" That is a question that we must frequently ask ourselves.

I am certainly enjoying my slow trek through this slim volume. Too often I rush through books.

Never Alone - Part 5

I remember sitting in various waiting rooms as a kid, thumbing through magazines, usually the sports magazines. In nearly everyone, there was this icon: The Marlboro Man. He was a cowboy. He was rugged. This man could survive anything, anywhere, anytime. He was the man. He was the icon of the American spirit: the rugged individual. He didn't need anyone else. If he had his rope, horse, and (of course) a Marlboro, he could take on the world, and win without breaking a sweat. I used think he was the coolest. I wanted to be like him.

As I was preparing to read the second part of Never Alone, the updated version of Brother Lawrence's Practicing the Presence of God, I was thumbing through that section. I noticed something interesting. Brother Lawrence ends many of the letters with the statement: "Belonging to God, I belong to you."

That is the antithesis of the rugged individual. That is not what the Marlboro man stood for. The Marlboro man belonged only to himself. Brother Lawrence is saying that he belonged to others. He belonged to the person to whom he addressed the letter.

I think, American Christianity has become "Marlboro man" Christianity. We are lone rangers often in our journey with God. There is nothing wrong with an individual, personal journey, but there is more to the Christian life than running alone. We often use the phrase, "That's between me and God." I don't think that is what the Christian life is all about. Certainly, I have to deal with God as an individual, but I must also deal with him through the Body of Believers.

Groups give us several things that we cannot gain on our own:

• Accountability: Others keep us on track in our walk with God.
  
• Encouragement: When things get tough, we can lean on our brothers and sisters.
• Protection: There is always safety in numbers.

The Christian life is not the life of rugged individualist; it is the life of fellow traveler.

Never Alone - Part 4

My fellow blogger left this comment regarding "Never Alone - Part 3":
"I feel your pain. And you are not the only pastor to struggle with control. You know that God is God and you are not. Maybe a little contemplative time will reinforce that for you. Our boundary lines are drawn in pleasant places. Trust is tough, especially when you carry battle scars.

"But you know someone with deeper scars..."

This is certainly some good advice. One of our problems is that we rely on ourselves more than we do on God. Rather than "In God We Trust," it is "In Ourselves We Trust."

The last paragraph of "Conversation Four" of Never Alone reads:

"The more we desire to be completely Christlike and the more we long to be undivided in our love for God and for other people, the more we find ourselves becoming dependent upon God's grace!"

So, it really is a matter of Christlikeness. The more time we spend in contemplation (devotional time for the old-schoolers), as my friend advises, the more Christlike we become. That means we rely on him more. That means we are relying on God's grace more, as Brother Lawrence says we should do.

Failing to trust God is really a spiritual matter that is taken care of when we take time with him, pray to him, meditate on him and scripture, do acts of justice and mercy, and other spiritual disciplines.

Never Alone - Part 3

The "fourth conversation" offers some good tidbits. It says, Brother Lawrence "explained to me that coming before God ultimately must include giving up and turning our back once and for all on anything and everything that does not lead us to God?"

What are those things? What can those things be? They can habits. They can be attitudes. They can be a broken relationship with others, or with God. They can be possessions. It can be worry. It can be, as he says, anything. What gets in your way?

For me, it seems to be my obsession to control. I am a planner. As a teacher, I have my semester planned to the second far before the semester even begins. That, I believe, is a great attribute for that. The problem comes when I translate that into my walk with God. I want to know where God is going to have be at every step of my life for the next 50 years, or however long I am around. That hinders me from living in the now with God. Instead of basking in his presence here and now, I obsess about what is going to happen.

"Lord, help me to relax in your presence."

Never Alone - Part 2

Again, I read another passage from Tim Green's Never Alone, the modern adaptation of Brother Lawrence's classic. Today, I read conversation three: "A Faithful Awe, A Real Trust."

He sums up the Christian life in a powerful sentence: Brother Lawrence "told me that the heartbeat of his walk with God was the incredible awe and respect that he had for his Heavenly Father."

Wow! That is high impact. Our walk with God should contain awe and respect. Notice it doesn't say "fear." Awe is not fear. Respect is not fear. Fear is the opposite of either them. When we are held in fear, contempt often arises. Think of the notorious dictators of history. People feared Hitler and Stalin, but they did not respect them. They had nothing but contempt. Sure, they went along with the program, but out of fear of punishment rather than respect or awe.

I don't want my Christian walk to be marked with fear of God. I don't want to be scared of him as one fears a ruthless judge or dictator. I want to walk with awe and respect for God.

When we have respect and awe, we can fully trust God to take care of us. I don't think that fear leads to trust. If anything, fear leads to mistrust. When I am terrified of someone, I certainly don't trust them. If we have a healthy awe and respect for God, we can fully trust him. Brother Lawrence said, "There is absolutely no way God would ever trick us." Again, that is trust grounded in awe and respect. I want a level of trust that is so deep that I will not doubt that God has my best interest in mind.

Never Alone - Part 1

I am currently reading Never Alone: Practicing the Presence of God. It is a modern adaption by Tim Green of Brother Lawrence's classic The Practice of the Presence of God. I started reading this a while ago, but I have returned and started over. All the quotes are from Green's adaptation, so if you have read the original they may sound a little strange to you.

Today, I read the "Second Conversation." There are a couple salient quotes for us to reflect in our religious climate. The first is, "His [Bro. Lawrence] primary focus is not on whether he will end up going to heaven or hell when he dies." Rick Warren wrote in The Purpose-Driven Life, "Some Christians are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good." We can get so wrapped up in making it to heaven that we lose sight of what God wants us to do on earth.

Another paragraph talks about how Brother Lawrence was consumed with fear that he would wind up in hell. He became religious simply to avoid hell. I recall that as a kid and teenager, that was my primary motivation for following God. I didn't want to burn for all eternity in hell. "Since then he has quit worrying about heaven or hell. ...Now his life really is filled with love for God." When we stop focusing on where we will spend eternity, we can focus on loving God.

I want what Brother Lawrence had, a deep running relationship with God. I don't want Sunday morning Christianity. I want a 24/7 relationship with God. I want to be consumed by God here and now, not consumed with whether I will make it to heaven.

The Call

Describing the call to the ministry is kind of like describing marriage. When someone asks, "How did you know that God was calling you to the ministry?" is like when someone asks, "How did you know your wife was the one?" It's hard to answer either question. It usually boils down to the answer: "You just know." That often seems like a cop out.

All that said, I know that God called me to the ministry. I can look back on my life and see where he called me in high school, college and young adult life, but I was not listening. When I did finally answer "yes" to the call, I had starry visions of what being a minister was. I envisioned a small church that slowly but surely grew. Eventually it would become a large church. People with all sorts of problems would come to me and I would help them. It did not turn out that way. The church imploded. (Perhaps you heard the boom.)

Currently, I am not in ministry (in the formal sense). My wife and I are volunteering at the church we attend, and I have the opportunity to preach once in a while.

The thing I struggle with is this: What does the call mean? Am I called to be a pastor?

The pastor who married us pastored three churches over a ten year span, and is currently in evangelism. Another man I know was the pastor of one church for ten years, and is currently not pastoring. My former youth pastor is currently out of the ministry. One of my pastors when I was a kid is no longer pastoring. None of these men are anywhere near retirement age.

All of these men were called (or at least thought they were) at one point. What happened? Is God's call temporary? Does his will for us change over our life?

I wonder this, because I wonder where I am headed.