Relationship is what matters

I recently finished reading (for the second time) a wonderful little book by Michael Lodahl and Thomas Jay Oord called Relational Holiness. The authors seek to find the "core notion of holiness." In an effort to find that core they explore the "contributing notions of holiness." They list several, but I think you can boil it down to two streams of thought. Essentially holiness has been understood in three ways (two contributing and one main). Two of these ways are the boiled down version of Lodahl and Oord's contributing notions.

First, you have holiness by right actions. This is little more than rule keeping. This is the holiness model I was raised with. It did not matter why you kept the rules, so long as you kept the rules. We did not smoke, drink alcohol, dance, go to movies (however, we could watch them on TV or video), wear two-piece bathing suites, etc. The wise counsel of the church elite crafted a list. One was holy if one followed the rules.

Second, you have holiness as right belief. This is the fundamentalist view. As long as you hold a certain set of beliefs you are okay. The beliefs may vary from place to place and time to time, but no one should ever question the belief. Our actions really do not matter so long as we believe the correct things.

Third, you have holiness as right relationship. This would include our relationship with God and others. Jesus was once asked what the greatest commandment was. He replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." He went on to add, "Love your neighbor as yourself." At another time Jesus clarified who our neighbor is. It is any other member of the human race (white, black, Latino, Asian, Christian, Jew, Muslim, heterosexual, homosexual, or any other label we slap on someone). When our relationships are right, we are holy. We love God and we love others. Lodahl and Oord suggest that love is the core notion of holiness.

The thing about relationships is that they are dynamic. They change. My relationship with my wife is different than it was when we got married. It is different than it was a year ago. My relationship with God is changing. It ebbs and flows. What God wanted me to do ten years ago is not necessarily what he wants me to do today.

The bottom line is this: God cares more about a relationship than he does about rules and beliefs.

The problem is that relationships are not quantifiable. I cannot quantify how much I love my kids. I cannot quantify my relationship with God. Rules, on the other hand, are easily quantifiable. I went to church this many times. I read this many chapters of the Bible. I don't smoke. I don't dance. Beliefs are also quantifiable. I believe this, that and the other thing. Rules and beliefs are also transferable to others. Everyone will follow the same rules and hold the same beliefs. Relationships look different for everyone. My relationship with God will look very different from yours.

Relationship is what matters.