Haunted by Past Words

Have you ever been haunted by something you said or wrote?

I was transferring some files on my computer the other day. I ran across some of the files from ministerial education. One of those was a final exam that I had typed. I am not sure what the question was, but it had something to do with a call to ministry. Here is the answer:
The “call” to ministry is what sustains a pastor during the tough times. It is what separates the pastors who hang in and those that decide to go a different direction in their career. Ministry is not so much a career choice. If one is not truly called it will be difficult to sustain a thriving ministry over a long period. When a ministry is thriving there will be a certain amount of controversy and rough times. Those who are truly called will have the call to lean on when times get tough.

As I have struggled with my call to the ministry over the last 9-12 months, these words have haunted me. The sentence, "If one is not truly called..." cuts. Was I not called? I know for sure that I was called. What is happening now?

When I was sitting in classes taking in and spouting out ministerial theory, these things seemed easy. The reality is theory is great when things are going well, but theory goes out the window when things go bad. We can make bold predictions about how we will handle adversity when we are sitting in a safe classroom. When the slings and arrows are flying in trenches, those predictions are useless.